Aware of the beauty

Today I experienced incredible beauty. I sat in a circle of women for Bible study, at 7:30am on a Saturday nonetheless, and I got a mere glimpse of humanity at it's finest-raw, real, vulnerable, precious, funny, serious, tender, but above all, it was beautiful. This group of women continue to pour out their hearts in struggles of every day life, in the victorious moments, and in pointing out how much we really are like each other. (And how often we feel like we're alone in that thinking, or this action!) I heard woman after woman describe their own instance of feeling sub par, less than, or just boring. This morning though, God let me see each of these women through his eyes. I saw beautiful diamonds, and what they saw of themselves was a work in progress, a dull stone.

Later this afternoon, Patrick's parents came over to work on our garden and organize our garage. RIGHT?! I know you're jealous (and you should be!). They came over just to help. It was the most incredible blessing because Denzel was sick, really clingy, and didn't get much of a nap. So he and I laid on the couch while they worked. What incredible sacrifice (NOT ME! Them of course!!). This act of glorious generosity would be enough, but what's more, is they let me and Denzel stay the night when it was 100+ one day (and we have no A/C), Jane watched Denzel the next morning while I went into work, AND dinner was made for us by 6pm. If that's not beautiful sacrifice show in incredible love, I don't know what is.

This afternoon I also had a chance to Skype with two of my college roommates. It was so good to see their faces. We laughed, made small talk, but then got down to some deep stuff. Some life-purpose stuff. And just like that, I saw the glimmer of light shine through for my friend who feels she's in a dark place. Her sense of the unknown, of feeling utter despair--I've been there. In fact, I was there just a few months ago. It's hard. No. It's impossible. And at the risk of sounding disturbingly morbid--that, that feeling right there is beautiful. Because that is real. This is real life, those are real emotions, and God does not make us void of emotion. He does not create us and say follow me like a blind bat-I'm sorry I don't believe that. I think God creates us, intricately, and uniquely to experience relationship with him in a very real way. And I can say this now, now being on the other side-that despair is beautiful because there's so much room for the beauty of God's purpose for her life, the beauty of Him giving her direction, a vision, and trajectory. There's beauty in the potential. And for that reason, I see the light at the end of the tunnel for her.

Denzel is sick, and he's been sort of up and down in mood. He'll be jumping around for a couple of minutes, then laying on the floor the next few with his ban-ket. It's been a patience-building day for me as he refuses to sleep, refuses to listen, and even slapped me in the face a couple of times. Yes, even sick kids get to sit in time out in our house. But as I caught myself cleaning, and doing mindless things, I realized what I actually needed to be doing was just being with him. So I did. We watched multiple kid shows on Netflix (he NEVER has screen time because he's 1.5, but I felt that this sickness justified being a bum), played catch, watered the plants several times, laid on the floor together, fed Kiri, ate dinner ourselves, and laughed at a lot of silly things. I was reminded again of a new perspective as we read about the little children coming to Jesus in his Toddler Bible. Jesus saw the beauty and the innocence in children. He welcomed that, and challenged everyone else to do the same.

Today I saw incredible beauty, but became painfully aware of how much I miss beauty all around me every day-in every one and every thing. Not any more. I see too much pain, daily, to miss the beauty-God's beauty-evident in all things created by his hand. You. You were created by God. And you are beautiful. What would your life look like if you started to believe that truth?

You   are   beautiful.

It's a weird thing to think right? How hard we are on ourselves about our career, lack of career, lack of direction, wrong direction, raising children, not having children, hating our spouse, loving our spouse, wishing we had a spouse, wishing we looked different, had a different education, more friends, less health problems, more confidence...I could go down this path all day. But what if, you recognized those things as separate from how God sees you. He sees beauty when he sees you. So live in it. Live in the beauty, and forget the rest. Fix your eyes on the maker of all things beautiful, complete, and whole. Today, choose beauty.