Today I need to take a step back and remember how truly blessed I am. In the past 8 months, a lot has happened to this Jones family. I'll catch you up to speed.
Sept. 2012-Denzel was born the same week I finished my master's.
March 2013-After no good job offers (for me) and a great opportunity for Patrick's work, we decided to move to CA. We moved with a 6 month old across state lines to Patrick's parents' house. California was ultimately where we wanted to raise our kids, where we wanted to end up and plant roots, and we were itching to burry those roots into fertile soil once and for all. (AZ is full of caliche :)
April 2013-I sent in a good amount of applications and prayed that God open the door I was meant to go through. Of all the applications I sent in (including a few that were a PERFECT match of my qualifications) I heard back from ONE agency. I had an interview and it was a great fit. I had a second interview which only confirmed my first suspicion-this is where I'm meant to be right now. They offered me the job.
May 2013-I start my job next week, and it's actually been nice to have this "preparation" time. I've been mentally preparing to go back to work full-time...without my baby. I mean, I haven't been away from him for more than a few hours, let alone a whole day 5-6 days a week! So this prep time has been good for me. I know it'll be so hard to be away from him at first, but hopefully it'll be easy for him. I'm excited to go back to work. Really excited. Especially for this organization.
We weren't sure where in CA we wanted to be ultimately, so for the first several weekends of our time here we scouted out some different cities and neighborhoods. The long list of possibilities was quickly narrowed down. Then we found a great church where it was so easy to get connected, and the people-they were just REAL people! You know, the kind that don't make much small talk and actually care about you?? I know, think real hard about the people you know like that. So this church is in Long Beach, and we L-O-V-E Long Beach. We've even narrowed down the neighborhoods that we're looking in.
Which brings me to my next topic. This is a topic in which I could write a novel about-moving. So we're looking for a house, trying to get prequalified, figure out finances, list our Scottsdale house and sell at the right price so we can have a decent downpayment in CA. Oh yeah, I'm about to start my job, Patrick is working full time and we have a baby. I think the only time life will slow down is when we get to Heaven. And then praise the Lord, I will sing all day long. No need to worry about houses, finances, children....
Ah yes, worrying about children. Something I never understood until I became a mom-worry. At any one given point I'm thinking all of these things,
"Should I let him put that eucalyptus leaf in his mouth?"
"Is he whining because he hates his food, has a new tooth, dirty diaper, or I'm just not singing enough for him?"
"What if he falls?"
"He just fell, but won't let me hold ice on his bump. Will that cause permanent damage?"
"He just fell again because he's tired and is a little wobbly. Do I comfort him, put him down for a nap, give him milk, all of the above?"
"He's allergic to something in this new environment. The new things in this environment: chickens, more dogs, cat, weather, humidity, at least a million plants, a plethora of bugs that would never have survived in AZ, spiders of all shapes and sizes...awesome, that'll be easy to narrow down."
"I'm going back to work, what if he doesn't sleep?"
"What if he doesn't eat?"
"What if he cries all day?"
"What if he gets hurt when I'm not around?! Then I can't hug him and tell him, "Mama's here sweetheart."
"What if he thinks I'm never coming back?"
"What if his attitude totally changes and it's my fault because I'm not at home anymore?"
"What if he seriously gets hurt?"
"What if"
"What if"
"What if"
My calm mom thoughts have evolved into a debilitating block wall of "What if's." But the truth that I've wrestled with the past couple of days: God loves Denzel more than I ever could. I don't think that had a chance to soak in the first time I heard it. I mean really, who could possibly love my child more than me. NO ONE!! Not true. The Lord does. And part of me having faith in that kind of loving God is acknowledging that He will still be looking out for him even when I'm at work. When I'm working with other kids and other families, God is completely focused on the child He has blessed me with. And on that truth alone I start coming to a place of peace. Notice I didn't say I AM at peace. I'm not. But I'm starting in the right direction-believing God's word, and believing what he says is true. I believe it with my head, and my heart is close behind.
So that's us right now. Gearing up for a 2-parent working household, looking for a place of our own, selling one of our houses in AZ, and you know..the day to day stuff when we have time :) It's time to let it all go, and let God take over.
