Relationships and New Beginnings

A year ago, one of my dearest dearest friends passed away. He was so young, and losing him was devastating for me personally. But after going to his service and seeing all the lives he touched over the course of his lifetime, I became more and more contemplative about life. That event was pivotal in my growth as a person. You see, my life was go go go, rush here, be there, do this and that. But when he died, my world turned completely around. I slowed way down. I took time to feel, to think, to experience. His was the first death that I allowed myself to grieve in the way, and the time, and the space that I needed to grieve. And you know what? It was devastating, and yet so healthy. Healthy in the sense that I cried harder than I ever cried-but that was exactly what I needed. My body was in so much pain after his memorial service. You know how much your head hurts with a bad /headache? My whole body, each limb, each muscle felt like a headache. AND a massive headache of course. I took 5 Advil that night and was incredibly grateful after about 40 minutes when I felt a little relief. But it was okay to feel that, because I think for me it was necessary to the grief process.

I haven't been the same since then.

My priority on relationships has been present at the forefront of my mind. And with the birth of our second (and probably last) child, it's been an ever present thought that people are the only thing in this life that I care about. I don't want stuff, I don't want things, I want relationships. I want a hug from a friend that asks me how I'm doing with postpartum stuff, and doesn't judge when I tell her I today was too much for me. I want to pour into both of my kids, being present with them and valuing their uniqueness and beautiful God-given personalities. I want to care for people-my parents, grandparents, a friend who found out she has cancer. I want people. And I will not let the moment pass me by, only to regret that I never spent time with incredible people. Because the truth is, you think you're invincible, or you're young, and you don't expect to die until you're old. But, what if that's not the plan for your life? What if that's not the plan for your loved ones, your friends, your incredible partner...what if they won't live to the standard of 70 or 80 something? People matter. They matter a lot.

So I take a lot of time to think these days.

I think about how much I want my kids to know I love them--that I would give my life for them in a heartbeat. I think about how to approach the homeless differently, with more compassion and a deeper understanding. I think about how my messy house is more an indicator that we have a good time each day and are blessed with so much, instead of let it be a stressor...okay, that one I continue to work on...but you know what I mean. The truth is, I'm not good at small talk stuff. I think that's because I hate it. I hate the surface. I immediately desire to plunge to the depths of who a person is at their core, because that intrigues me. And there's nothing worse than, "Hey! How are you?" "Good! How are you?" "Good!" I hate it. And yet, I say it all the time. But my heart so deeply wants relationship. And when my heart is satisfied with that, wow does it feel incredible.

So what do I do with that? Well, so far the answer to that question has been to completely change my career to be more flexible with time. I'm making more room for people, because that's what I want so that's what I'm going to pursue. And while I'm only at the beginning of this new season, I can already see how God has been orchestrating the events to this point all along. Don't worry, there's more explanation of that to come. But for now I revel in the awesomeness of this God I serve, and how incredible it is that I can have a relationship with him. Super excited to see how that relationship will begin to transform in the coming months. To people, life's journey, and a God who models perfect relationship in so many ways.

Vay-cay!

My life this past week has been crazy. Actually, I take that back. It should have been crazy, but actually it was really nice. My parents came to CA to visit for the weekend, and it was my dad's first time meeting Emerson. At the last minute I found a friend to drive back to CA with me and my two boys (I love saying that :) so I drove back to AZ with my parents. No down time. Parents here in CA, then we leave together for AZ. I really had one purpose this trip: to make sure my grandparents meet Emerson before he's too big. And let's be honest, he was born too big, so time was not on our side :) Plus, I'm functioning more like a human being right now, so what other time can I just pick up and go to AZ whenever I want? Maternity leave of course! So I did. Spent a few days in AZ. OH! And both boys were AMAZINGLY good the entire way to AZ. There was one little "incident," but it was more like a fond memory :) We basically made one stop for lunch. Both myself and D ate lunch, then we both went to the bathroom. Grandma was holding E. Everyone enjoyed their Panda Express (although after eating healthy on a more consistent basis, I struggled a little with fast food), and we loaded up the car. I decided to feed E before we took off, so we all sat in the running car while I fed E. Burped him, put him back in his car seat. We didn't even leave the parking lot and D said he had to poop. For some reason, I thought it would be better if he used the little potty instead of driving back to Panda Express. Don't ask. So I took out the potty, undressed the lower half of my two year old, and sat him down on a potty in a parking lot...that was extremely humid and pretty dang hot. He was such a good sport. He went poop (which makes things more complicated than just peeing), and then I cleaned everything up, including the toddler. Finally got him back in the car all buckled up, and my mom said, "Umm, I'm pretty sure Emerson just pooped too." I unbuckle him and sure enough, baby poo everywhere. We're still in a parking lot, so I change him in the car. Of course there's no room anywhere so I change my 9 week old on the driver's seat. It's work to do that-just saying. Especially with him, because he's so big and requires more room. Anyway, we made due, and were on our way an hour and a half later. So it was a long stop, but we only stopped once more after that for gas, and both boys slept through the stop. They were A-MAZ-ING I tell you.

So AZ was wicked hot-for me, not for the record temperatures. It was less than 110 degrees the whole time I was there, and believe you me, that is a miracle for June and July. But I was sweltering. The moment I opened my car door, I remembered why we moved to CA. But I went for my grandparents, and they were so grateful I made the trip. I was glad I went too because they aren't getting any younger, and health concerns are getting a little iffy these days. Plus, everyone could use a baby to cheer up their spirits. I was so glad they got to meet him. I also had extra help since my brother, and mom, and dad were there. Plus, I had an opportunity to have a girls night with no kids. Well, as "no kids" as possible. My incredible friend Stefani treated me to a pedicure, then I went back to nurse Emerson. Then we left for Postino and enjoyed a little vino and delish food, just the two of us! It was amazing. Then I went back to nurse him again. I don't think I'd been away from my kids that long since before E was born. It was exactly what the doctor ordered! The very next day, we packed up, I picked up Stefani at her house, and we made the trek back to CA. She left her two children (one was in TX) with her in-laws the entire day, and drove back with me! Stefani, you get the friend of the year award!!!!!! So we drive and drive and make it to Blythe. Then we stop for lunch, do the whole potty charade with both, and we literally did not stop again. My kids are amazing at road trips. Well, either that or God was looking out for my sanity. I expected it to be WAY worse. So we made it home, and Stefani caught the last flight out on standby. What a pal. And we got to spend the day together. How lucky am I?!

This was the past Wednesday that we got back home. Thursday I repacked and got ready for Lake Arrowhead, where we were going to spend the weekend. Thankfully, the drive was much much less than it was to AZ. Although I laugh because we made 2 stops on this less than two-hour drive. Once for gas and to change a poopy diaper, then a second because E HAD to eat and was making it known to all people in the car. But we made it up the mountain and both kids went to bed pretty well. The whole time in Arrowhead we relaxed, took our time with everything, and just enjoyed one another's company. My vacations look very different these days. Now, it's mostly this: wake up, breakfast/getting ready routine, do an activity in the morning, lunch, nap, and sometimes a little something in the evening if nap didn't go too long. There isn't a lot of time to pack in activity the same way we did when little Joneses weren't in the picture. But I'm convinced there's just no other way to vacation when kids are little. It's not worth it to rush around everywhere and have crying and mess and screaming...no thanks. So we spent time together, went for a few walks/hikes, shared a few meals, and went into town. For the fourth we watched the fireworks in the best spot ever, near the lake. D only lasted 5 fireworks before he begged to go home (they were too loud). So Patrick walked him back (and said later he clung hard to him the entire walk home, poor guy). I stayed with Patrick's parents, and saw the incredible show. I love fireworks. There's something about fireworks that just make the world stop, and require you to focus on the simplicity, the beauty, and the wonder that is a firework. Maybe that's silly, but I truly LOVE fireworks. Especially a good show, and Lake Arrowhead does a fabulous firework show! We finished the show, then walked back to the house. It was E's first firework show, but he slept through the whole thing, so whatever :P This morning we packed up and headed back home-again, angelic children the whole way home. Lord, thank you for loving me specifically in that way this past week!

Sleeping in!

Goofy girl time!

Pedis

More silliness

D and grandma 

Hiking in Arrowhead

A couple of short hours after we got back, we went to a friend's house to watch the women's soccer game. WOW! What a game! Then we rushed home and Patrick headed out to his out of town job.

The past week has been glorious, but I'm pretty excited to be sleeping in my own bed tonight. What a precious time it's been with my family. I can't wait for the next little trip we do, because memories like this are near and dear to my heart.