Tonight was that moment.
We met up with some friends in Long Beach at a concert in the park, and it was breathtaking. Not the view (although it was really pretty incredible), not the band (let's be honest, we don't really go for them :), but the calm...the peace...it took my hurriedness away by the time I sat down on the perfectly laid out blanket. I'm not sure what it is about this place, but it just feels so peaceful. I sat sort of quiet throughout the night, just basking in the present moment. It's not often that happens. The setting is more like, rushing here, rushing there, filling out this report, calling for this appointment, telling Patrick what to pick up at the grocery store, get home make dinner quick, change diapers, yadda yadda yadda. My life isn't really in a "be in the moment" stage right now.
The peace washed over me and it was simply incredible. I enjoyed spending time with wonderful people, and was even grateful that my son stayed up until 9pm to let Mommy have some grown up time.
We left, and then came home. Put jammies on, and he said, "Mommy, duermase mi nino." We layed down on my bed, he rested his head on my chest, and I sang him the song my Grandma sang me...
"Duermase mi nino, duermase ya
Porque esta nino, muy cansada estan
la la la, la la la"
(Don't know if those are the right words-that's just what I remember my Grandma singing :)
I stroked his blonde, thin hair and sang those words over and over. His eyes grew heavy, he snuggled his arms in tight and fell asleep. I stopped signing and just stared at this beautiful boy. How did I get so lucky as to be the mother to this incredible child? Time stood still, and I laid there for just a few minutes longer. I remember that feeling of him cuddling with me-his body warmer than mine. I recall the smell of grass on him mixed with oatmeal soap that we just washed his hands with. And my heart began to run over. My joy was complete.
I really think it's in those moments that I'm reminded of what joy really looks like. This is joy. The extremely full week I just came out of-that doesn't even matter-this, this is joy. All 42 hours of unmedicated labor and then a c-section were worth this reminder that life is beautiful, precious, and so very sacred.
And it's not that life without a kid is lacking in joy. Quite the contrary. I believe joy is waiting for you to discover it, no matter what life stage you're in. This just happens to be the easiest way I discover my joy.
Don't forget to appreciate the joy in your life. It's there, I promise. Sometimes what's needed from us is a little moment and space for the joy to be revealed in it's full glory.
