Patrick called around 4pm and said he couldn't pick up Denzel from school, and I had to go get him. There was an emergency at work and he had to stay really late tonight. I picked up Denzel, ordered a pizza, dinner was fabulous, both kids had jammies on. I can totally do this two kid thing.
Fast forward to bedtime. We had read 4 books...no 5, because Denzel is the king of negotiation and I just *have* to reward him for asking so nicely. I put Denzel down to bed, and it begins. He needs a drink of water, he is scared of the dark, he wants his rubber ducky, he wants to sleep on the couch, now he wants milk, his throat doesn't feel good, Moooooooooommmmmy....Mooooommmyy!! I ignored most of it, or gave explanations for why we don't drink a ton of liquids before bed, blah blah blah. But it went on and on and on. Also, Emerson, not quite 3 weeks yet, is usually fussy between 7pm and midnight. I don't know why, but he needs constant attention in a way that he doesn't at any other point during the day, or middle of the night for that matter. So it's getting later and later and later...we're going on 9:45pm, and we started going to bed at 7:30pm. Denzel is crying, so I'm holding Emerson and sat on Denzel's bed. I don't remember what happened in the 20 seconds between me sitting on his bed and the next moment, but all I remember is my head spinning, and both kids screaming their lungs out. Seriously. Seriously this happened. Emerson in my arms on the right side, frantic for something--milk? just wants to suck?? gassy??? only Lord knows, and Denzel sitting on my left screaming, "Mommy! I want you to hold me!!!" Denzel is sick, he's exhausted, and I'm not loving him the way he wants to be loved. I almost cried, and almost laughed at the same time. That was my emotion of What in the world am I supposed to do?! I only have two arms, and they can't help both kids right now. "Mommy, I need you to hold me!" So I looked at Denzel and said-not even in a frustrated way, just totally unaware of how to make this situation better, "How am I supposed to hold both of you? You're both crying." "Put Emerson down and hold me," he said through huge tears. My heart was breaking, but both kids were still needing Mommy. I remembered a friend said this was the hardest part of going from one to two kids-choosing who to give attention to when both need it. I sat there for a couple of seconds, then I put Emerson down on the bed and tried to pick up Denzel. It wasn't working, Emerson wailed even harder. So I put Emerson in a little baby rocker and gave him a pacifier, knowing he wouldn't keep it in more than a minute. I went back into Denzel's room and calmed him down. He was scared, he wanted to sleep in my bed, etc. etc. Somehow I explained to him that his bed is special because it's made just for him. He immediately snapped out of the crying and was totally into what I was saying. He said all those animals (stuffed) in his bed are special for him, and mommy and daddy's bed doesn't have that. The whole conversation turned around, but time was still ticking for pacifier man in the other room. "Hold me, Mom," he said so calmly. I picked up Denzel and said, "Okay, but only for 5 minutes" (with full intentions of it being 5 seconds-I know, that's terrible). I held Denzel in my arms and said, "Sweetheart, Mommy is doing her very best. Both you and Emerson will have to share me sometimes. Sometimes Emerson will have Mommy time, and sometimes you will, and I need you to be understanding...okay? But I will always love you. I love you very very much." "Okay Mom," he said, then we counted to 5 together (our 5 minutes). He got down on his own and climbed into bed. "I love you sweetheart."
"Now you go take care of Emerson, Mom."
Time stopped in that moment. I was shocked at what he said, and what that means for a 2 year old. He understood that I was trying, and after he had his need met for the shortest period of time, he was ready for me to take care of his baby brother. What a selfless act.
I could not have been more proud of my son. I could not have been more in awe of the beauty and love in him. He is two years old. Two.
I nursed Emerson for 15 minutes, then put him down for a second. I went back in Denzel's room to tuck him in. I put a big blanket on him, and kissed him. "I love you sweetheart." "I love you too, Mom," and he closed his eyes to go to sleep.
There's so much I want to teach my kids. But today, my 2 year old taught me what incredible love is. I really needed that perspective change in caring about others, loving, and being selfless. Thank you, Son, for teaching your Mommy what it means to think about others by putting yourself aside. I could not be more proud of you.
No comments:
Post a Comment