Did that REALLY just happen to me?!

My day yesterday, wow. The only thing I can do now is laugh about it, and really, it is worthy of all laughter. So feel free to join along :)

Yesterday before work both Patrick and I kind of laid in bed avoiding the "gotta get up and get ready" part of the morning. So of course, we were rushed. I quickly made a couple of smoothies to go and toasted some bread for the road. "Hey babe, can you butter the bread and I'll feed the dogs?" "Sure." We're a great team. So we finish up some last minute things, I grab a smoothie and the toast, try to balance everything and head out to the car. Patrick locks the door, I start the car, and we're off. I dropped Patrick off at work, quick kiss good bye and then I drove to StreetLight. The rest of the morning was typical, I walk by everyone's office and say good morning, it was Monday so I even asked about their weekend...I set my stuff down at my desk and get situated...I made my list of things to do for the day and start working...

Like clockwork I get up to go to the bathroom at 9:15am. Do my business, wash my hands, and as I'm looking in the mirror I see a round wet mark on my shirt-one side-"NO WAY!!" I cannot possibly be leaking!! I'm 32 weeks, not even close to nursing!! I touch it, but it's not wet. So, call it instinct, I smell it-BUTTER!! HOW IN THE WORLD DID I GET A BUTTER STAIN IN THE WORST SPOT POSSIBLE?! Then it clicked. I was in such a hurry this morning, balancing everything as we rushed out the door-the toast must have been pressed up against my shirt for just a few seconds too long. I furiously try to rub the spot with some water-water and butter...yeah right. Well, I stayed in the bathroom for a while so the spot would dry, but I pretty much got it out. Thank you Lord for a colored shirt!!

I immediately go to a coworker friend and say, "MARIA! Why didn't you tell me I had a stain RIGHT THERE!?!" ::and pointed to the crime scene:: She said, "What? I don't see anything." So I explained the story about how we rushed out of the house that morning and we both laughed for a good long time. None of my coworkers said anything.

End embarrassing moment #1. But wait my friend, it gets better. So. much. better.

I left StreetLight late (our staff meeting ran long) and hurried off again. This time to a Stress Management Training in Phoenix. Perfect. Exactly what I need! As I'm sure you would be, I was quite careful NOT to get any food on me of any kind while I ate in the car. (Which is a tricky task to do when your belly takes up all your lap room between you and the steering wheel!) I didn't spill anything, whew! I found the training location, gathered my things and made my way to the room. Things are going well, but of course after the training has started I have to go to the bathroom. I don't bother feeling bad anymore, I figure people just think, "She's pregnant, whatever." So I get up and go. I walk across the long hallway of classrooms where other trainings are taking place, ask a front desk person where the bathroom is, walk across the lobby, and to the bathroom I go. All is well, no more butter stain, I check my teeth just in case-good, and walk out. I walk across the lobby with the tall glass wall, walk by the first security desk, walk by the receptionist and just as I'm about to open the door to the long corridor of training rooms the receptionist says frantically, "Ma'am! Ma'am!!" My hand is on the door handle, but I turn around. Sheepishly she says, "Um...your skirt is tucked in..." before she could finish I reach behind me and touch bare bottom skin..."to your..." I don't even remember her saying it, I just remember thinking in my mortified mind, "underwear." The bottom of my skirt somehow got caught and I was literally half-mooning the receptionist and Lord knows who else. It might have been embarrassing if I was wearing granny panties...but I wasn't. Oh no, this was beyond embarrassing. I can't imagine what my face looked like as I gathered my jaw off the floor. She quietly said, "I'm sorry, I just thought..." "NO! DON'T be sorry. Thank you!" She smiled and looked down, probably so I wouldn't be further embarrassed, then buzzed me in the door. 

Just like a movie scene, I walked down the long hallway of classrooms, looking into the huge window of each one and guesstimating how many people could have seen my derriere. My big, pregnant caboose. How in the world did that happen? How did I not feel it?!

I probably walked back into class with the biggest eyes ever. I was quiet, and so grateful that a good person said something. Because you know what? People don't always tell you about the spinach in your teeth, or the toilet paper on your shoe, or that your big, white @$$ is on display for the world to see. But a gracious person saved me from at least a little embarrassment.

There are two things I've learned from yesterday:
1. ALWAYS tell someone if they could have a potentially embarrassing moment, whether you know them or not. Surely they'll be grateful. I know I was!
2. Things that you see in the movies, even though you think they're so outlandish, can actually happen to you. :)