I think I'm a pretty passionate person. Maybe not overtly so, at least not right away when you meet me for the first time. But if you know me, I mean really know me, you know that God has really laid some specific things on my heart-one being this pursuit of the work God has called me to do. I call it my life's purpose.
My purpose, I think from God's perspective, has never changed. I believe that he has created me passionate about children from the beginning for a reason. My perception of it, however, has evolved greatly since college. From my perspective, living out God's will for my life, my hands, my feet, my knowledge-it's all a beautiful masterpiece, a creation if you will, of timing, events, relationships and other things I'm sure I know nothing about. And over it all is God. In all His glory. Do not misunderstand-I am no where near God. I am not close to anything he could sneeze into existence. Rather, it is his intricate plan that reflects his goodness and leaves me in awe.
Ok, enough poems, let's talk the tangible. I work in foster care. I read case after case of despicable horrific and unspeakable things that children-babies in utero through 18-have been exposed to. I get calls of social workers trying to place 6, yes, 6 siblings all in homes at the end of the day. I see kids with terrible behavior and know that the reason they're throwing things, biting, kicking, screaming, crying, pulling out their own hair even, is because they have been exposed to things you and I never will. Or worse, they've been a part of it. They don't always just witness the domestic violence, sometimes they are the victim. I see the darkest part of the world-in my mind-when I see the child that has been changed negatively because of their circumstance. People often think adopting is all about picking out the "perfect kid" to grow their family. While I don't want to be pessimistic...that is just not reality. Fostering is no walk in the park. These kids come with issues, and some more than others. But I don't think it takes a "strong" or "perfect" family to foster. I think it takes a shift in perspective.
What if you saw it as your problem? What if together we acknowledged that our community-no matter where you live-needs to do something to protect children? How could you change the life of a child? I know this sounds like a commercial you've seen before with the terrible pictures, the flies, the tears, the unsanitary conditions...but really. What are you doing to protect children? You don't have to work for an FFA like me. You don't even have to post anything on Facebook if you don't want to. What if it was as simple as being aware of the children around you? What if you knew your child was friends with a foster child and you invited them over for dinner and got to know them? What if you looked out for those kids? What if you prayed for them? These are all very simple tasks that really don't take much effort on your part, but can make a huge difference in the life of one child.
Or...just throwing it out there...you could open your home to a child. "WOAH Andrea! Those kids have issues, behaviors, they cry and get angry! In my home?!" Why not? God has invited you into his house, and you have issues, behaviors (some WAY worse than a child's!!), you cry, you get angry...what's the difference? The difference is action to the call. Even Jesus himself came for the lowly, the poor, the prostitutes, the exiled, the sick-and I'm not talking about the flu sick, the sick as in demon possessed, blind beggars, people with disgusting skin diseases that were highly contagious! And he loved them. You know who else he loved? Children.
It's true, I'm passionate about specific things. But what would passion be if it weren't passed on? Not nearly as powerful I think. It's time to start taking a Godly perspective in what we do, and let's start with taking care of God's children.
What you have done for the least of these, you have done for me. ~Jesus
Friday, June 14, 2013
Monday, June 3, 2013
Week 1-Complete
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SO GIDDY ABOUT SOMETHING THAT YOU BURST OUT IN A SMILE AND A MILLION DETAILS TO ANYONE WHO ASKS, "How is such and so going?"
You know, like you worked and worked on a home renovation and it's finally done and you want to invite everyone over??
Or after much sacrifice (financially and emotionally) you earned your degree??
Or your kid finally said, "mama."
Or you LOVE your job?!?!?! That's right, I said LOVE-YOUR-JOB!
Well, we've never renovated our house. I earned my degree last year, and D said mama a while ago...but today! Today I speak of my job. I. Love. My. Job.
Honestly, there is not space enough to describe my whole journey here, but I will give the one sentence synopsis: every work experience of mine has culminated to be perfectly placed in my life's journey. Each has given me unique experience that has allowed me to cultivate characteristics in myself that I value-things that innately have the potential to bloom-given the right circumstances. So those experiences have all led up to this point in time in which I've found myself employed by a company that truly was meant to be.
Let me tell you everything this organization is:
-Organized
-Competent
-Excellent
-Nurturing
-Flexible
-Incredible
-Supportive of Employees
-Fair
Even greater than the organization itself are the people that work for this company. I love my coworkers. All of them. Some more than others of course, but really?! When was the last time you liked all your coworkers without reservation?? Genuinely good people. People of integrity. I mean, these are quality people working with me.
Just like the song goes, "Put it all together and what-do-ya-get?"
An employee that has found a great fit for employment. That's what you get.
Now it's time to get personal. I feel fulfilled. I was worried that leaving D would be so hard on me I wouldn't be able to function. Well...I wish I was with him during the day no doubt, but it's so much easier to go to a job that I love. A job that I feel challenged in, and encouraged in. One that I know I will grow in. And they're organized. Did I tell you that part?! My detail-oriented nature is heel-clicking right now in case you were wondering. Every detail has been thought of. There is a written process for every thing. It's simply amazing. Eat that for dessert!
So I've finished my 5th day of employment and I'm exhausted but living out my purpose. Let me tell you, there is nothing cooler than that feeling.
How's beebee doing? He's adjusting. He's giving Grandma a run for her money during the day, that's for sure. He's an active little guy. Always pulling himself up on something, pulling down something, throwing something to hear it make a noise, reaching, grabbing, pooping like a million times a day...he's a handful, a precious handful. And he's got some great grandparents. We are so so blessed.
So life right now is incredible. I don't know that it's ever been this good before, or maybe I've never realized what good really is. But right now life is so good. Very much looking forward to what the future holds for us in this new promised land we call California :)
P.S. If you aren't my friend on FB, my new position is a Foster/Adopt Social Worker.
You know, like you worked and worked on a home renovation and it's finally done and you want to invite everyone over??
Or after much sacrifice (financially and emotionally) you earned your degree??
Or your kid finally said, "mama."
Or you LOVE your job?!?!?! That's right, I said LOVE-YOUR-JOB!
Well, we've never renovated our house. I earned my degree last year, and D said mama a while ago...but today! Today I speak of my job. I. Love. My. Job.
Honestly, there is not space enough to describe my whole journey here, but I will give the one sentence synopsis: every work experience of mine has culminated to be perfectly placed in my life's journey. Each has given me unique experience that has allowed me to cultivate characteristics in myself that I value-things that innately have the potential to bloom-given the right circumstances. So those experiences have all led up to this point in time in which I've found myself employed by a company that truly was meant to be.
Let me tell you everything this organization is:
-Organized
-Competent
-Excellent
-Nurturing
-Flexible
-Incredible
-Supportive of Employees
-Fair
Even greater than the organization itself are the people that work for this company. I love my coworkers. All of them. Some more than others of course, but really?! When was the last time you liked all your coworkers without reservation?? Genuinely good people. People of integrity. I mean, these are quality people working with me.
Just like the song goes, "Put it all together and what-do-ya-get?"
An employee that has found a great fit for employment. That's what you get.
Now it's time to get personal. I feel fulfilled. I was worried that leaving D would be so hard on me I wouldn't be able to function. Well...I wish I was with him during the day no doubt, but it's so much easier to go to a job that I love. A job that I feel challenged in, and encouraged in. One that I know I will grow in. And they're organized. Did I tell you that part?! My detail-oriented nature is heel-clicking right now in case you were wondering. Every detail has been thought of. There is a written process for every thing. It's simply amazing. Eat that for dessert!
So I've finished my 5th day of employment and I'm exhausted but living out my purpose. Let me tell you, there is nothing cooler than that feeling.
How's beebee doing? He's adjusting. He's giving Grandma a run for her money during the day, that's for sure. He's an active little guy. Always pulling himself up on something, pulling down something, throwing something to hear it make a noise, reaching, grabbing, pooping like a million times a day...he's a handful, a precious handful. And he's got some great grandparents. We are so so blessed.
So life right now is incredible. I don't know that it's ever been this good before, or maybe I've never realized what good really is. But right now life is so good. Very much looking forward to what the future holds for us in this new promised land we call California :)
P.S. If you aren't my friend on FB, my new position is a Foster/Adopt Social Worker.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Time to Let Go
Today I need to take a step back and remember how truly blessed I am. In the past 8 months, a lot has happened to this Jones family. I'll catch you up to speed.
Sept. 2012-Denzel was born the same week I finished my master's.
March 2013-After no good job offers (for me) and a great opportunity for Patrick's work, we decided to move to CA. We moved with a 6 month old across state lines to Patrick's parents' house. California was ultimately where we wanted to raise our kids, where we wanted to end up and plant roots, and we were itching to burry those roots into fertile soil once and for all. (AZ is full of caliche :)
April 2013-I sent in a good amount of applications and prayed that God open the door I was meant to go through. Of all the applications I sent in (including a few that were a PERFECT match of my qualifications) I heard back from ONE agency. I had an interview and it was a great fit. I had a second interview which only confirmed my first suspicion-this is where I'm meant to be right now. They offered me the job.
May 2013-I start my job next week, and it's actually been nice to have this "preparation" time. I've been mentally preparing to go back to work full-time...without my baby. I mean, I haven't been away from him for more than a few hours, let alone a whole day 5-6 days a week! So this prep time has been good for me. I know it'll be so hard to be away from him at first, but hopefully it'll be easy for him. I'm excited to go back to work. Really excited. Especially for this organization.
We weren't sure where in CA we wanted to be ultimately, so for the first several weekends of our time here we scouted out some different cities and neighborhoods. The long list of possibilities was quickly narrowed down. Then we found a great church where it was so easy to get connected, and the people-they were just REAL people! You know, the kind that don't make much small talk and actually care about you?? I know, think real hard about the people you know like that. So this church is in Long Beach, and we L-O-V-E Long Beach. We've even narrowed down the neighborhoods that we're looking in.
Which brings me to my next topic. This is a topic in which I could write a novel about-moving. So we're looking for a house, trying to get prequalified, figure out finances, list our Scottsdale house and sell at the right price so we can have a decent downpayment in CA. Oh yeah, I'm about to start my job, Patrick is working full time and we have a baby. I think the only time life will slow down is when we get to Heaven. And then praise the Lord, I will sing all day long. No need to worry about houses, finances, children....
Ah yes, worrying about children. Something I never understood until I became a mom-worry. At any one given point I'm thinking all of these things,
"Should I let him put that eucalyptus leaf in his mouth?"
"Is he whining because he hates his food, has a new tooth, dirty diaper, or I'm just not singing enough for him?"
"What if he falls?"
"He just fell, but won't let me hold ice on his bump. Will that cause permanent damage?"
"He just fell again because he's tired and is a little wobbly. Do I comfort him, put him down for a nap, give him milk, all of the above?"
"He's allergic to something in this new environment. The new things in this environment: chickens, more dogs, cat, weather, humidity, at least a million plants, a plethora of bugs that would never have survived in AZ, spiders of all shapes and sizes...awesome, that'll be easy to narrow down."
"I'm going back to work, what if he doesn't sleep?"
"What if he doesn't eat?"
"What if he cries all day?"
"What if he gets hurt when I'm not around?! Then I can't hug him and tell him, "Mama's here sweetheart."
"What if he thinks I'm never coming back?"
"What if his attitude totally changes and it's my fault because I'm not at home anymore?"
"What if he seriously gets hurt?"
"What if"
"What if"
"What if"
My calm mom thoughts have evolved into a debilitating block wall of "What if's." But the truth that I've wrestled with the past couple of days: God loves Denzel more than I ever could. I don't think that had a chance to soak in the first time I heard it. I mean really, who could possibly love my child more than me. NO ONE!! Not true. The Lord does. And part of me having faith in that kind of loving God is acknowledging that He will still be looking out for him even when I'm at work. When I'm working with other kids and other families, God is completely focused on the child He has blessed me with. And on that truth alone I start coming to a place of peace. Notice I didn't say I AM at peace. I'm not. But I'm starting in the right direction-believing God's word, and believing what he says is true. I believe it with my head, and my heart is close behind.
So that's us right now. Gearing up for a 2-parent working household, looking for a place of our own, selling one of our houses in AZ, and you know..the day to day stuff when we have time :) It's time to let it all go, and let God take over.
Sept. 2012-Denzel was born the same week I finished my master's.
March 2013-After no good job offers (for me) and a great opportunity for Patrick's work, we decided to move to CA. We moved with a 6 month old across state lines to Patrick's parents' house. California was ultimately where we wanted to raise our kids, where we wanted to end up and plant roots, and we were itching to burry those roots into fertile soil once and for all. (AZ is full of caliche :)
April 2013-I sent in a good amount of applications and prayed that God open the door I was meant to go through. Of all the applications I sent in (including a few that were a PERFECT match of my qualifications) I heard back from ONE agency. I had an interview and it was a great fit. I had a second interview which only confirmed my first suspicion-this is where I'm meant to be right now. They offered me the job.
May 2013-I start my job next week, and it's actually been nice to have this "preparation" time. I've been mentally preparing to go back to work full-time...without my baby. I mean, I haven't been away from him for more than a few hours, let alone a whole day 5-6 days a week! So this prep time has been good for me. I know it'll be so hard to be away from him at first, but hopefully it'll be easy for him. I'm excited to go back to work. Really excited. Especially for this organization.
We weren't sure where in CA we wanted to be ultimately, so for the first several weekends of our time here we scouted out some different cities and neighborhoods. The long list of possibilities was quickly narrowed down. Then we found a great church where it was so easy to get connected, and the people-they were just REAL people! You know, the kind that don't make much small talk and actually care about you?? I know, think real hard about the people you know like that. So this church is in Long Beach, and we L-O-V-E Long Beach. We've even narrowed down the neighborhoods that we're looking in.
Which brings me to my next topic. This is a topic in which I could write a novel about-moving. So we're looking for a house, trying to get prequalified, figure out finances, list our Scottsdale house and sell at the right price so we can have a decent downpayment in CA. Oh yeah, I'm about to start my job, Patrick is working full time and we have a baby. I think the only time life will slow down is when we get to Heaven. And then praise the Lord, I will sing all day long. No need to worry about houses, finances, children....
Ah yes, worrying about children. Something I never understood until I became a mom-worry. At any one given point I'm thinking all of these things,
"Should I let him put that eucalyptus leaf in his mouth?"
"Is he whining because he hates his food, has a new tooth, dirty diaper, or I'm just not singing enough for him?"
"What if he falls?"
"He just fell, but won't let me hold ice on his bump. Will that cause permanent damage?"
"He just fell again because he's tired and is a little wobbly. Do I comfort him, put him down for a nap, give him milk, all of the above?"
"He's allergic to something in this new environment. The new things in this environment: chickens, more dogs, cat, weather, humidity, at least a million plants, a plethora of bugs that would never have survived in AZ, spiders of all shapes and sizes...awesome, that'll be easy to narrow down."
"I'm going back to work, what if he doesn't sleep?"
"What if he doesn't eat?"
"What if he cries all day?"
"What if he gets hurt when I'm not around?! Then I can't hug him and tell him, "Mama's here sweetheart."
"What if he thinks I'm never coming back?"
"What if his attitude totally changes and it's my fault because I'm not at home anymore?"
"What if he seriously gets hurt?"
"What if"
"What if"
"What if"
My calm mom thoughts have evolved into a debilitating block wall of "What if's." But the truth that I've wrestled with the past couple of days: God loves Denzel more than I ever could. I don't think that had a chance to soak in the first time I heard it. I mean really, who could possibly love my child more than me. NO ONE!! Not true. The Lord does. And part of me having faith in that kind of loving God is acknowledging that He will still be looking out for him even when I'm at work. When I'm working with other kids and other families, God is completely focused on the child He has blessed me with. And on that truth alone I start coming to a place of peace. Notice I didn't say I AM at peace. I'm not. But I'm starting in the right direction-believing God's word, and believing what he says is true. I believe it with my head, and my heart is close behind.
So that's us right now. Gearing up for a 2-parent working household, looking for a place of our own, selling one of our houses in AZ, and you know..the day to day stuff when we have time :) It's time to let it all go, and let God take over.
Friday, March 29, 2013
I wouldn't do it
Denzel is sleeping next to me on the couch. He's peaceful, he's calm (which is rare), and he's even "sucking" a little in his sleep. You know, like he's still eating. He is, in my eyes, God's beautiful perfection. Not yet aware of the world's ways. Not yet knowledgeable of sin, or of evil that lurks. He is a small bit of God's love for me to see right now, right here in this moment. And so I think about how I could ever give him up-knowing that he would have to die a painful death. That I would have to turn my back on him in order to save those he hasn't even seen yet. Could I do it? Could I give up my son to save others? You might say, "YES! Jesus paid the price for so many, of course!" But I say no. I wouldn't. I wouldn't give up my perfect son for anyone or anything. Save millions, maybe even billions? I don't care. This is my flesh and blood, literally created inside me, and you say watch him die-AND be rejected by the people he came to save? No. Not me. Not him.
So how did God do it? I can't even fathom. My human-mother brain can literally not understand. I don't get it. But for me today, it's not about getting it. It's about being in awe. It's about being so in awe-knowing I would never do the same, and being grateful. Grateful that God did give me the chance. That he put his son's life on the line so that I might live. Amazing. That is amazing love. Love that I can't wrap my head around, but wow am I blown away by it. In complete awe.
I approach today, Good Friday, from a whole new perspective as a parent. I know I'm not God (good thing for you!!) but I'm blown away by His grace. Blown away. Thank you Lord for your sacrificial love, for continuing to love me, and for giving up your own flesh-your own son so that I might live. I praise you today for your goodness. Amen.
So how did God do it? I can't even fathom. My human-mother brain can literally not understand. I don't get it. But for me today, it's not about getting it. It's about being in awe. It's about being so in awe-knowing I would never do the same, and being grateful. Grateful that God did give me the chance. That he put his son's life on the line so that I might live. Amazing. That is amazing love. Love that I can't wrap my head around, but wow am I blown away by it. In complete awe.
I approach today, Good Friday, from a whole new perspective as a parent. I know I'm not God (good thing for you!!) but I'm blown away by His grace. Blown away. Thank you Lord for your sacrificial love, for continuing to love me, and for giving up your own flesh-your own son so that I might live. I praise you today for your goodness. Amen.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
SCENTSY STOCK SALE!!! (While supplies last)
SCENTSY STOCK SALE!!!
(Once an item is sold, I'll remove it from the list)
Full-Size Warmers $17:
NO MORE AVAILABLE, SORRY.
Mid-Size Warmers $11
Plug-In Warmers $9
(The one below was used for display, but still has a box)
Buddies $13
NO MORE AVAILABLE, SORRY
Bars $3
Pima Cotton
Bars $5 (not on sale, sorry)
2-Snowberry, French Lavendar, Baked Apple Pie, Skinny Dippin', Christmas Cottage, Whiteout, Tingelo, Clean Breeze, Pumpkin Roll
Prices already include tax. First come, first serve. Cash only please. Email me if you're interested in purchasing jazzyshmazzy17@gmail.com
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Sometimes I Wish I Were Amish
How's that for a title: Sometime I Wish I Were Amish. It's true though. The Amish have it right: simplicity. The word I'm trying to live by this year: simplicity. Except that I just broke that new years resolution by introducing my kid to a bottle. Simplicity? Yeah, that's thrown out the window.
I've been on the job hunt with the intention of going back to work so Patrick can work on his school stuff now. We're switching roles, and I feel really good about it. So, I've been trying to get ready to go back. Yesterday we went to Babies 'R Us, and walked down the bottle aisle. No, more like bottle section. Have you seen all the choices in bottles?! It's totally unreal. The two of us looked dumbfounded. "Uhhh, I dunno...what do you think?" ::Patrick's eyes were huge, and he remained motionless:: I swear it was a scene out of a cartoon. Patrick and I just stand there looking up to the top of the display, but it just keeps growing...like Alice in Wonderland...or Jack's Beanstalk...something crazy like that. TONS of bottles! I shook myself up a little and said, "Oh yeah, I'm going to get Tommee Tippy bottles." (Great name right?) I'd seen a friend of mine with those and liked the shape-very breast-like-but later I will learn they're not at all the same. Plastic and human that is. I'm going to skip our conversation because we literally stood there for more than 5 minutes trying to figure out which nipples to buy (they have different flows!), what size bottle, etc. etc. We ended up with two overwhelmed parents and four different Tommy Tippees in our cart. Whatever, I'm glad that's over.
Then we went to the diaper section. Now this I've got down. My kid has worn just about any diaper well. What we buy is really a matter of preference (mine and Patrick's) and cost. Well, score! There's a sale! We find some good AND cheap diapers. Load up the cart and head to the check out. I just remember that two couples we know are expecting so we make a quick stop to get some cards. I found a really funny one...
I've been on the job hunt with the intention of going back to work so Patrick can work on his school stuff now. We're switching roles, and I feel really good about it. So, I've been trying to get ready to go back. Yesterday we went to Babies 'R Us, and walked down the bottle aisle. No, more like bottle section. Have you seen all the choices in bottles?! It's totally unreal. The two of us looked dumbfounded. "Uhhh, I dunno...what do you think?" ::Patrick's eyes were huge, and he remained motionless:: I swear it was a scene out of a cartoon. Patrick and I just stand there looking up to the top of the display, but it just keeps growing...like Alice in Wonderland...or Jack's Beanstalk...something crazy like that. TONS of bottles! I shook myself up a little and said, "Oh yeah, I'm going to get Tommee Tippy bottles." (Great name right?) I'd seen a friend of mine with those and liked the shape-very breast-like-but later I will learn they're not at all the same. Plastic and human that is. I'm going to skip our conversation because we literally stood there for more than 5 minutes trying to figure out which nipples to buy (they have different flows!), what size bottle, etc. etc. We ended up with two overwhelmed parents and four different Tommy Tippees in our cart. Whatever, I'm glad that's over.
Then we went to the diaper section. Now this I've got down. My kid has worn just about any diaper well. What we buy is really a matter of preference (mine and Patrick's) and cost. Well, score! There's a sale! We find some good AND cheap diapers. Load up the cart and head to the check out. I just remember that two couples we know are expecting so we make a quick stop to get some cards. I found a really funny one...
Sometimes it really feels like that. Baby is upset and you don't know why. I've had 4 months now to get to know this little guy, and I think for the most part I know what he needs. I've definitely had these moments though. And D has never even had colic. Lord bless the parents that have babies with bad colic.
Where was I? Oh yeah. So we get the cards, check out and breathe a huge sigh of relief as we load up the car.
Skip ahead to today. I think to myself, "I'm gonna try these cute new bottles." So I pump, dump it in cute little Tommee Tippee and try to feed D. He looks at me like, SWEET! A NEW TOY! And proceeds to chew the nipple. I watched him almost in a panic. I mean, I do NOT want to encourage that behavior!!! But at least he's okay with it...but then he actually got hungry...and this bottle was not ok with him. "Get the toy out of my face, Mom, and give me the real stuff"-is what his wailing said to me. See how the card above is a baby with mostly mouth? That was D all the way. It killed me. I almost started crying myself. So I give him to Patrick, because he loves Patrick. Maybe Daddy has the magic touch.
Nope. Not this time.
I caved after probably like 5 minutes. I KNOW! It's terrible. But when your child is crying because you're withholding something from him-something that you could easily give to him, and worked very hard to get right (worked hard for 3 months I might add!)-and that something is basically you...it feels like an eternity. I felt like I was abusing my child. Neglecting him. Being a terrible mother. I know it's not rational, but that's how I felt. I caved.
He was exhausted from crying (he doesn't cry very much, I think he wasn't used to this) and then eating like the world is coming to an end, and D fell asleep right away.
Two hours later I attempted again. Patrick actually tried to feed him and I stayed in the other room. He didn't cry quite as much, but still didn't take the bottle very well. I lasted like 13 minutes this time...then I tried feeding him from the bottle. He WAILED. He smelled my weakness. I gave in again.
I felt like such a failure. How could I go back to work? How could I leave him with anyone for more than two hours during the day? Waaaaaaaaah! It was my turn to cry.
Then I posted something on Facebook about the bottle thing and got a shlew of responses. Most of them were of the, "went through that same thing myself" nature. That got me thinking: why do we expect so much of little kids? I mean, really. Just consider for a moment the things we expect our babies to do-and do without struggling I might add:
-Sleep with lots of noise going on all around them
-Eat on a schedule
-Nap on a schedule
-Stay quiet
-Drink from a plastic contraption, instead of mother nature's cup
Now tell me: when was the last time you slept through the vacuum? I sometimes wake up when there's a loud bird outside. Forget the vacuum! But we expect kids to sleep through loud noise.
What about eating on a schedule? When was the last time you said to yourself, "Self, I'm so hungry, but I can't eat for another couple hours because I'm on a schedule" ? ERRRRN, WRONG! Ok, if you've done that, you must be superhuman.
Sleeping on a schedule? I think there are few adults that can say they've sleep through the night, every single night, period. We all have insomnia once in a while. We all go to bed late because we want to hang out with friends or whatever. And you know what? I'll be bold enough to say that I'm not pleasant when I wake up. I'm just not.
Staying quiet. I have friends in their 20s...30s...even 50 year olds that don't know the "appropriate time" to be quiet. So you expect a child, who doesn't fully comprehend language, and is figuring out their own voice to not use it? HA! So what do we do? We plug up their noise maker. Stick a pacifier in it. Done and done.
Why? Why do we do these things? Doesn't it seem a little silly? Sometimes these things are handy, they're convenient for us adults certainly. But convenience aside, why do we put our kids through this stuff? It seems kind of silly, don't you think?
And that's when I wish I was Amish. Things are so much simpler. Almost like back to the way nature was designed. But then I wouldn't have this computer to write this post now would I? ;)
Friday, November 9, 2012
No longer a mulitasker
I need a support group. Really, I feel like I do sometimes. You see, being a mom is hard work. I know, I know-duh Andrea. I know they say your life will never be the same, and all sorts of other cliches, but I'm now starting to feel like I don't measure up.
This morning I went to breakfast with my friend Stefani. I love Stefani. I was so excited to see her and spend some quality time, but I'm not sure that it was quality time per se. You see, I had to take D, and the fact is I just can't focus on anything fully when I have him. I try. Lord knows I try to focus on the conversation, on ordering my food, heck! on eating my food! But I can't. This is literally what goes on in my head...
-When was the last time he ate?
-Which side did he eat on last? (It matters!)
-Is he making noise because he needs his diaper changed?
-Oh my gosh, where is the bathroom?
-If he has a blowout, I don't have any extra clothes for me, I'll have to go home.
-Does the bathroom have a changing table? (You'd be surprised at how many don't)
-What can I eat that requires little utensil-usage in case he gets fussy and I have to hold him on my lap-which leaves only one hand?
-Is this a quiet place or a loud place?-I mean I don't want stares from people that are mad there's a crying baby.
-How far away is this place from home?
But wait, there's more...
-He's frowning, is he going to cry? Is he going to scream?
-He's going to want to eat-where can I feed him?
-I prefer a booth so people behind me don't see my back.
-There aren't any booths, I've gotta make due with these little garden chairs.
-Does he still have both socks on? Both shoes? Those things cost as much as mine!
-He had a boogar in his nose a second ago...great, it's probably on me now and I can't see it.
Then the ordeal that I call "feeding in public."
-Yes he cries before he latches, no I don't know why. He's got a short frenulum-it frustrates him. Pretty sure that's what it is.
-Baby legs and arms flailing about
-Snorting (him, not me)
-Latching, unlatching, latching, unlatching
-My kid is a messy eater
-Get my shirt out of his way...he's a messy eater
-Now he's crying, I really wish I could just feed him w/o this hooter hider, we all know what boobs look like...yeah buddy, even you who is giving me a mean stare...don't pretend like you don't know.
-Now he's choking, gotta lift him up
-Now he's gagging, gotta lift him up again
-Quit grabbing my shirt, D
-He's frustrated and he's moving his head all around...still attached
-Let's not bite mom!
-Latch, unlatch, latch, unlatch
-Eyes are getting heavy
-Asleep, finally. Wait...no, he is aslee...no, now he's definitely...oh come on, just go to sleep.
-I unlatch him, he spills whatever milk is left in his mouth all over me-click strap, pull down shirt, get kid out of the "veil"-lol, take it off me, burp baby, and...
"Oh yeah, this weekend we don't really have much planned. How about you?"
Do you see what I mean? So no, it's not hard manual labor (unless you want to count all the baby crap I lug around on a daily basis), but it's exhausting. Do I bring the ergo? He always hates it at first. Should I put him in the stroller? Maybe I could just carry him in real fast-but then I'll only have 1 hand-do I need both hands for anything?
It's non-stop. And I do it because I love him. I take him out of the car seat and stroller because its not good for his soft little noggin'. I change his diaper constantly because I don't want him to get diaper rash (and he hasn't by the way). I talk to him face to face because it's important for his development, his growth and his personality. But it's tiring. And the thing that makes me most sad is I can't multitask anymore. When I yearn to catch up with a friend over coffee, I can't give my complete attention to my dear friend. When I want to talk to my husband about his day on the phone, I can't because I'm feeding D and he's struggling to latch. It's hard. And I don't know how to get better at multitasking like this. It's really hard for me to swallow that reality. I used to be a MASTER at multitasking. I could sing lyrics to a song I know while reading an article. I could do the dishes, listen to a podcast, talk to the dogs and tell you everything that was on the podcast. I could listen to a student, write an email (I know that's not good listening) and still tell a different student everything they need to bring to the next concert. Master's in Multitasking-I should've gotten it. Now I'm lucky if I hear the whole sentence from the person in front of me. Total bonus points if I come up with an answer in a complete sentence! I need help.
I've been a mom for 2 months and already I feel inadequate at everything else. Don't feel like such a great mom sometimes either...right when I feel down, I see that lady. You know the one I'm talking about, with her cute little dressed baby, quietly eating from a bottle-mom talking to her best friend, mom is stick thin, makeup done, hair beautiful-better than what I can do on a day I didn't have to worry about a baby. Sigh. Maybe I'm just not cut out for this. Or maybe I should stop looking around at everyone else, and look down at my beautiful child-who is healthy, so handsome, and has the sweetest personality. Wow, I can hardly believe he's mine. It's almost like I don't deserve him-boy, am I blessed.
I'm not perfect, I'm clearly new at this mom thing and I feel super inexperienced, but it is what it is. I should be able to figure it out eventually, right? (At least in 18 years :D)
As for Stefani? Well, she's an amazing friend who is giving beyond belief and supportive when no one else is. I'm sure she understood my dilema this morning. Love you, friend :)
I raise my Starbucks (hot because I was too distracted to remember to say "iced") to all the other moms out there that feel pulled in every direction. Here's to keeping the kids alive...oh and getting dressed once in a while too :)
This morning I went to breakfast with my friend Stefani. I love Stefani. I was so excited to see her and spend some quality time, but I'm not sure that it was quality time per se. You see, I had to take D, and the fact is I just can't focus on anything fully when I have him. I try. Lord knows I try to focus on the conversation, on ordering my food, heck! on eating my food! But I can't. This is literally what goes on in my head...
-When was the last time he ate?
-Which side did he eat on last? (It matters!)
-Is he making noise because he needs his diaper changed?
-Oh my gosh, where is the bathroom?
-If he has a blowout, I don't have any extra clothes for me, I'll have to go home.
-Does the bathroom have a changing table? (You'd be surprised at how many don't)
-What can I eat that requires little utensil-usage in case he gets fussy and I have to hold him on my lap-which leaves only one hand?
-Is this a quiet place or a loud place?-I mean I don't want stares from people that are mad there's a crying baby.
-How far away is this place from home?
But wait, there's more...
-He's frowning, is he going to cry? Is he going to scream?
-He's going to want to eat-where can I feed him?
-I prefer a booth so people behind me don't see my back.
-There aren't any booths, I've gotta make due with these little garden chairs.
-Does he still have both socks on? Both shoes? Those things cost as much as mine!
-He had a boogar in his nose a second ago...great, it's probably on me now and I can't see it.
Then the ordeal that I call "feeding in public."
-Yes he cries before he latches, no I don't know why. He's got a short frenulum-it frustrates him. Pretty sure that's what it is.
-Baby legs and arms flailing about
-Snorting (him, not me)
-Latching, unlatching, latching, unlatching
-My kid is a messy eater
-Get my shirt out of his way...he's a messy eater
-Now he's crying, I really wish I could just feed him w/o this hooter hider, we all know what boobs look like...yeah buddy, even you who is giving me a mean stare...don't pretend like you don't know.
-Now he's choking, gotta lift him up
-Now he's gagging, gotta lift him up again
-Quit grabbing my shirt, D
-He's frustrated and he's moving his head all around...still attached
-Let's not bite mom!
-Latch, unlatch, latch, unlatch
-Eyes are getting heavy
-Asleep, finally. Wait...no, he is aslee...no, now he's definitely...oh come on, just go to sleep.
-I unlatch him, he spills whatever milk is left in his mouth all over me-click strap, pull down shirt, get kid out of the "veil"-lol, take it off me, burp baby, and...
"Oh yeah, this weekend we don't really have much planned. How about you?"
Do you see what I mean? So no, it's not hard manual labor (unless you want to count all the baby crap I lug around on a daily basis), but it's exhausting. Do I bring the ergo? He always hates it at first. Should I put him in the stroller? Maybe I could just carry him in real fast-but then I'll only have 1 hand-do I need both hands for anything?
It's non-stop. And I do it because I love him. I take him out of the car seat and stroller because its not good for his soft little noggin'. I change his diaper constantly because I don't want him to get diaper rash (and he hasn't by the way). I talk to him face to face because it's important for his development, his growth and his personality. But it's tiring. And the thing that makes me most sad is I can't multitask anymore. When I yearn to catch up with a friend over coffee, I can't give my complete attention to my dear friend. When I want to talk to my husband about his day on the phone, I can't because I'm feeding D and he's struggling to latch. It's hard. And I don't know how to get better at multitasking like this. It's really hard for me to swallow that reality. I used to be a MASTER at multitasking. I could sing lyrics to a song I know while reading an article. I could do the dishes, listen to a podcast, talk to the dogs and tell you everything that was on the podcast. I could listen to a student, write an email (I know that's not good listening) and still tell a different student everything they need to bring to the next concert. Master's in Multitasking-I should've gotten it. Now I'm lucky if I hear the whole sentence from the person in front of me. Total bonus points if I come up with an answer in a complete sentence! I need help.
I've been a mom for 2 months and already I feel inadequate at everything else. Don't feel like such a great mom sometimes either...right when I feel down, I see that lady. You know the one I'm talking about, with her cute little dressed baby, quietly eating from a bottle-mom talking to her best friend, mom is stick thin, makeup done, hair beautiful-better than what I can do on a day I didn't have to worry about a baby. Sigh. Maybe I'm just not cut out for this. Or maybe I should stop looking around at everyone else, and look down at my beautiful child-who is healthy, so handsome, and has the sweetest personality. Wow, I can hardly believe he's mine. It's almost like I don't deserve him-boy, am I blessed.
I'm not perfect, I'm clearly new at this mom thing and I feel super inexperienced, but it is what it is. I should be able to figure it out eventually, right? (At least in 18 years :D)
As for Stefani? Well, she's an amazing friend who is giving beyond belief and supportive when no one else is. I'm sure she understood my dilema this morning. Love you, friend :)
I raise my Starbucks (hot because I was too distracted to remember to say "iced") to all the other moms out there that feel pulled in every direction. Here's to keeping the kids alive...oh and getting dressed once in a while too :)
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