I wouldn't do it

Denzel is sleeping next to me on the couch. He's peaceful, he's calm (which is rare), and he's even "sucking" a little in his sleep. You know, like he's still eating. He is, in my eyes, God's beautiful perfection. Not yet aware of the world's ways. Not yet knowledgeable of sin, or of evil that lurks. He is a small bit of God's love for me to see right now, right here in this moment. And so I think about how I could ever give him up-knowing that he would have to die a painful death. That I would have to turn my back on him in order to save those he hasn't even seen yet. Could I do it? Could I give up my son to save others? You might say, "YES! Jesus paid the price for so many, of course!" But I say no. I wouldn't. I wouldn't give up my perfect son for anyone or anything. Save millions, maybe even billions? I don't care. This is my flesh and blood, literally created inside me, and you say watch him die-AND be rejected by the people he came to save? No. Not me. Not him.

So how did God do it? I can't even fathom. My human-mother brain can literally not understand. I don't get it. But for me today, it's not about getting it. It's about being in awe. It's about being so in awe-knowing I would never do the same, and being grateful. Grateful that God did give me the chance. That he put his son's life on the line so that I might live. Amazing. That is amazing love. Love that I can't wrap my head around, but wow am I blown away by it. In complete awe.

I approach today, Good Friday, from a whole new perspective as a parent. I know I'm not God (good thing for you!!) but I'm blown away by His grace. Blown away. Thank you Lord for your sacrificial love, for continuing to love me, and for giving up your own flesh-your own son so that I might live. I praise you today for your goodness. Amen.