Big love

Large life events have taught me a lot in...well...life. When I got married, I learned what it meant to put another before myself. I learned what good communication really meant, and how to accept incredible love from someone else. When I started my career in teaching I learned what it meant to pursue teaching life skills, not content. To encourage kids to think critically about the world, not just to follow directions because "that's what you're supposed to do." When I lost my friend to a tragic accident that in my mind still seems unfair, I learned that sometimes the greatest memory kept alive of that person is in your commitment to being the truest and best you possible. I also learned what real grief is. The kind that grabs you by the throat and squeezes so tight you think you'll never be able to breathe again. When I moved to California, I began to discover true authentic relationships. I discovered more of my adult self, and became painfully aware of the fact that I will not waste my time on things that are not of importance to me. When I had Denzel, I learned my inner strength. I learned what it meant to love outside of your being, and feel as though part of you was now in the outside world. I learned how much patience I can actually have, and how little sleep you can survive on. With the pregnancy of this second child, I've learned the importance of a positive outlook and attitude. How important that is for your and your child's well-being. I've learned what it means to be intentional, and to fight for the things that need to be fought for. 

Tonight though, I learned how beautiful and innocent a child's love can be. It is without expectation or reciprocity. It is without cause and needs no explanation. A child loves because it is in his very nature to do so. There are a lot of things I'd *like* to take credit for when it comes to Denzel. Like the way he uses his manners, or calls me out on my aggressive driving (true story). But tonight, I simply could not take credit for the innate beauty that showed itself. As we sat there reading a book, Denzel looked in my eyes, looked down at my belly and hugged him while I finished reading. "I love you, brother," were the only words that came out of his mouth. And I was in awe. 

They say pictures are worth a thousand words, but tonight, the true innocence I experienced was worth so much more than that. My precious baby boy, you are deeply loved by so many. But especially by your big brother.