You have already captured my heart with your movement inside me and the lousy black and white pictures we got of you from the doctor. But I feel like I already have to apologize for what you're coming into. It's nothing extreme-I mean, you won't have FASD because I don't drink and none of my exams indicate that there's any struggle you're having at all. (I work in foster care, that's how I think-can't help it). But I still feel the need to apologize, nonetheless. You see, I thought I could do it all. I thought I could work full time (which is really turning out to be lots of over time), take care of your brother, be a wonderful wife to your daddy, follow Christ, have healthy friend relationships, work out, eat healthy, get your room ready, have fun planning where things will go and which clothes to hang up first. I thought I would keep up with my prenatal yoga, pray for you daily, talk to you all the time, and just sit in awe that the life that grows inside me is you-beautiful, unique, and perfect. But I'm struggling with literally ALL of those things I listed. All of those things that I so badly desire are not turning out how I planned this time around. Work is a big cause of my stress, which literally affects my health, well being, mental health, happiness, time...I mean, everything. And ultimately, it affects you. I know you feel when I'm stressed, when I'm tired, when I cry, when I'm angry or upset. You know when everything happens, and you really can't get away. I'm pretty certain that even as I battle this lousy cold, you're going through the very same thing with me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't be stress free, work out as much as I want, or spend time just playing music for you and striking up a conversation. But know that I'm doing the very best I can. It's just that things are pretty stressful right now. But there is one thing that is very important you know. And that is, I would give my life for you. I love you more than my own mind understands, and we haven't officially met yet. I'm not a perfect mom- your brother will I'm sure tell you that later on-but I love you with every fiber of my being. And I'm honored to be your mommy. So, I'll keep trying to spend more alone time with you, and you do your best to only eat the nutrient-dense things I feed you-kindly skip over the occasional junk food meal :) I love you sweetheart, and can't wait to meet you, face to precious little face.
Always your mommy,
Me
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