The New Normal

I sometimes wonder what a normal life would look like. What's normal you ask? Well I guess it just depends on the day, but today I feel normal would be working at a place with predictable hours. Having a career where you can walk away after working 8 hours and not worry about how a family is doing with a new family member that beats other children. Or being able to step away from work long enough to not respond to emails, JUST so you don't see a "142 Unread Messages" next to the Inbox tab. I wonder what it would be like to get home at a decent hour-not leave the house at 7 and return at 7:30pm. I wonder what it would be like to just participate in church activities instead of "lead" them, or be the "head." I wonder what it would be like to feel like I've got enough time in with my family, and can spend time with just friends. I wonder what normal health would look like. You know, when you're pregnant and glowing because you're actually feeling great-that normal. I wonder what a date night looks like with the love of your life. I wonder how normal people keep up with the dishes, with the paperwork, with the Christmas shopping. I wonder how people even make time to get more conditioner. I've been out for days.

I list this all out and realize that others wish they had a "normal" life like me. Maybe because someone they love is sick, or hospitalized, or they're out of work when they wish they weren't. I get that. I'm not complaining. Really I'm not. I'm just overwhelmed. So today I wonder what uneventful, normal looks like. It's been a while since I've felt that normal, and sometimes it's just tiring to keep up with life.

But maybe I don't really want "normal." Maybe normal is boring and gives a feeling of no purpose. Maybe normal is unfulfilling. Maybe normal doesn't encompass God's beautiful and precious plan for an individual life. Maybe normal was never the plan to begin with.

So for now I'll live with chaos, with stress, with the go go go, and with constant adrenaline running through my veins. And somewhere in the "abnormal" maybe I'll see the waters begin to calm.