Quiet, but not for long

 I woke up this morning at 7am, which is only sleeping in half an hour for me...even though I went to bed at midnight. I let the dogs out, grabbed a bowl of the new cereal I obsess over (Trader Joe's Pomegranate something or other) and closed the bedroom door to let my hunny get some more sleep. The house is really peaceful, it's totally quiet. Even the neighbor's landscapers aren't here yet as is Saturday morning ritual. And I couldn't help but think, "How long will things be like this?"

I've been very contemplative recently, mostly about how every one and their chameleon insists that "life will never be the same." I know things will be different. I know things will be hard at times. But I also know that as a family, we haven't been called to be "the same." Patrick and I talk about this often. We're not "status quo" kind of people. We take things as they come, and adjust. Sometimes we even plan for insanity! Like, for example, the time I decided to take 17 graduate credits in my first semester of grad school, teach three classes, and take on an internship of 24 hours/week. Oh yeah, AND! we moved twice-once out of the Mesa house because our renters were moving in, but our new house hadn't closed yet. So we moved in with my parents for about a month. THEN twice when we moved in to the Scottsdale house. Meanwhile, Patrick was commuting 45-60 minutes one way to work. I'm happy to put that part of our life in the file titled "to never do again." Oh well, you live and learn. But we're still here. No one died, no relationships were broken...we just had to give my mom's herb garden a little time to grow back after the dogs massacred the beautiful greens. Oopsies. :)

Chaos aside, I think that time in our life was a huge growing experience for both of us. There were points when I was exhausted and so mentally overwhelmed words could not describe ::enter flowing tears here::, and Patrick came to my rescue. He didn't just stroke my hair and say, "there, there," he helped me find the last drop of inner strength WAY deep down to persevere, to keep going. And we did it together.

I think there were moments he couldn't handle either. I recall cramming the last of our stuff in my dad's truck as the renters pulled up with their UHAUL. They did a walk through with Patrick, who was exhausted and overwhelmed, dirty from moving, sweaty, just came "home" from work. They complained about every bump in the wall, every speck of dust they could find, why we only had one garage door remote and not two-he was going to crawl in a hole and shut the cave door behind him. I could tell by the look in his eyes. I was trying to deal with the, what seemed like, million questions from all the people that were helping us move and I asked Patrick a question. I looked in his eyes-blank. It was too much, way too much. I took him by the shoulder, gave him a task that would get him away from all this mess, then I dealt with the rest. We finally got to my parents' house and went for a walk-just the two of us. It was just too much. Somehow we got through it.

In the past 4.5 years of our marriage I can think of many stories like these. Times when one of us flipped, and the other picked up the slack. We've learned pretty quickly how to preemptively intersect that kind of disaster now. Or times we made a trip out to California every weekend of the month because there were weddings and funerals galore. Talk about emotional roller coaster. And we're still here...whole...and stronger together.

I'm not going to pretend that we've been through life's worst times. Really our life together has been amazing, at least, that's the perspective I choose. So, maybe it really is about that-perspective. Maybe with this new little baby our lives will never be the same. But I'm actually excited about that. Maybe he will teach us all the things we thought we knew but didn't. Maybe our relationship will be that much stronger after looking at this being God created to be in our care, and he'll test us, and he'll love us, and we'll always be a family. Maybe things will never be the same, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. I'm ready for the diaper blowouts, the late nights with a sick little one, the lack of sleep from worrying if he's breathing or not...I'm ready for that if it means I get to experience this whole new chapter. And I'll watch him become a man, maybe some day get married and have a family of his own. And I'll think back on this time when my house was quiet and I knew it wouldn't be like that for long.

I love you baby, and I can't wait to meet you.