Stop, Look, and Listen

Today has been a nice change of pace, brought on from a fresh perspective.

This morning I woke up and right away begin writing my mental to-do list. Go to the gym, clean the house, water the grass in the front yard, watch the movie that's due, return it on time, go to the bank, get a head start on homework, hit the ground running with my research paper, make lunch for Patrick, figure out dinner-wait! one thing is already done, figure out what's wrong with the vacuum and get it working again, add in grocery expenses to this week's budget, and I should probably get some God time in since I didn't yesterday...

Well, I went to the gym and had a great time of release. During the week I usually go with a textbook so I can do cardio and required reading at the same time. Today, no textbook. Just my ipod and the elliptical. Ahh.

I came home and watered the grass since I was already sweaty. My neighbor from across the street came over to introduce herself. Ahh, I love this place.

I mentally checked off my list. Gym, grass, done. Took a quick shower, then sat down to Dr. Oz with my new favorite lunch: triscuits, lunch meat, lunch cheese and fruit, all separated on a different part of the plate. A guest on Dr. Oz said gouda and other hard cheeses decrease your risk of cancer-SWEET! I was eating smoked gouda. Now what should I cross off my list?

I don't know if it was guilt or a swift kick in the pants from the Holy Spirit, but I decided it was God time.

After opening my Bible I always come across the question, "Alright God, what do you want me to hear today?" which is actually the nice way of saying, "I don't know where to start." I searched online for a devotional to give me a direction and came across one that spoke on how the Father sees you as his child. I looked for the reference...YES! I love Song of Solomon! I ditched the devotional altogether and just started reading. I was struck by one of the most amazing verses in all of the Bible:

"Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful!" ~Song of Sol. 4:1 (ESV)

I just stared at that verse. Then I read it over and over in my mind, and could almost hear the Lord himself saying those very words to me, "You are beautiful." For a moment my mental checklist was gone. School was the furthest thing from my mind, and even the snoring dogs under my feet were not a part of my awareness. It was me and God, and he was telling me I'm beautiful. Wow. Desiring more, I read chapter 3.

"On my bed by night I sought him whom my soul loves; I sought him, but found him not. I will rise now and go about the city, in the streets and in the squares; I will seek him whom my soul loves. I sought him, but found him not...'Have you seen him whom my soul loves?' Scarcely had I passed them when I found him whom my soul loves..."

Although the context is different than the message I was hearing, I understood it loud and clear. How many times have I run after things in mad pursuit, only to find temporary happiness at best? How many times do I put God at the end of my day, instead of the beginning? How much do I frantically look for God, "Lord! Where are you?!" and never open up his love letter to me-the Bible? Too many times.

Instead of feeling bad though, I choose to see the positive. My Creator is pursuing my heart. He has not made any mistakes, and his creation, me, is beautiful in his sight. So while I frantically try to get things done and stress out, God is saying, "Come be with me. I desire you."

Thank you Lord for never giving up on me. Please forgive me for trying to do things of my own power, and for denying my heart it's deepest desire-You. Thank you for loving me, and for seeing me as beautiful.

Amen.